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A giant ghost army of civil servants may sound like a Twilight Zone plot but it’s far from the stuff of fiction in 21st century Scotland.
Hundreds of public sector workers are costing the taxpayer at least £27million a year because their jobs no longer exist – and the SNP refuses to make them redundant.
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them → publish → 27million
There are 800 cases of NHS, central government, council and quango staff who no longer have a fixed role and who might ordinarily have been made redundant but remain on the public payroll.
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who → be → payroll
So, while you were paying ever-rising taxes, these cossetted mandarins and well-pensioned quangocrats are coining it in for doing a non-job, or possibly not doing any job – and still getting paid for it.
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mandarins → pay → it
This is a horror story just in time for Halloween, but it’s one which played out on the SNP’s watch – a tale of zombies who stalk the public sector, like an odd mix of The Office and Night of the Living Dead.
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who → ’ → Dead
This expensive anomaly exists because the SNP Government has a policy of no compulsory lay-offs, so the people who can’t be made redundant are stuck in limbo – but the pay cheques keep rolling in.
The policy has been in place since 2007 and may be up for review as the SNP claims to be determined to root out waste with a shake-up and streamlining of the bloated public sector.
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SNP → exist → sector
But the ghost legion of civil servants wandering the corridors of quango HQs suggests the Nationalists have their work cut out for them – if you believe their programme of reform is going to happen and isn’t just hot air.
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programme → wander → reform
John Swinney's government is refusing to make staff without roles unemployed
Mind you, the party which said it was going to wield the axe, abolishing health boards and councils, is running a government which is paying people to do non-existent jobs, so how can we trust a word it says?
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it → refuse → word
Remarkably, one NHS Highland worker has been receiving their full salary and benefits for 17 years, despite not having a specific post any more.
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worker → receive → post
When contacted, the health board refused to say what the worker had been doing for almost two decades.
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worker → contact → decades
Asked about the findings, NHS Highland said it had followed national policies and was ‘committed to supporting colleagues through periods of change’.
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it → ask → change
It’s quite a long period, though – almost a generation, depending on the yardstick used.
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It → ’ → yardstick
What were they all doing during this period of ‘change’ – washing the boss’s car, or organising the tea round?
Or maybe they’re working from home and doing nothing more strenuous than catching up on Bargain Hunt.
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they → do → Hunt
The odd Zoom call – to another ghost comrade – might take up a few minutes here and there.
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call → take → minutes
Snouts have been lowered into the trough for a long time – but this is a dizzying new level of waste.
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this → lower → waste
We’ve gone from paying public sector bosses and their staff to make a hash of their jobs to paying people not to do anything at all.
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We → go → anything
If they are doing something, their bosses don’t want to say, or perhaps can’t say because they don’t know – or because they do know, and the answer is nothing much, or not enough to justify a salary.
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answer → do → salary
And while this farce unfolded, ministers were presumably unaware – or they knew about it and were entirely indifferent.
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they → unfold → it
Either way, they’re no longer fit for government, not that they were in the first place.
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they → ’re → place
An analysis by the Sunday Times found some 255 public sector workers who have not had a fixed job for more than a year, and at least 49 who have been drawing a full salary for five years or more after the role they were hired to do became obsolete.
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they → find → years
These ‘ghost workers’ are placed in redeployment pools while they wait for another role within their organisation to open up.
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role → place → organisation
We’re told staff on redeployment are typically asked to carry out less senior roles or ad-hoc duties while they await a new position.
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they → tell → position
Other bodies that reported employing multiple staff without a fixed job for five years or more included Police Scotland, Scottish Water and NHS 24.
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that → report → Scotland
The Scottish Government refuses to make its own staff redundant, with 32 of its workers awaiting new roles as of June, including 11 civil servants on salaries of at least £80,172 and up to £92,553 per year.
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32 → refuse → year
Well, we couldn’t have them doing without, could we?
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we → have → ?
Yet it’s impossible to imagine the same cushy arrangement in the private sector where there’s no safety net and no redeployment pool – instead you’re handed a P45.
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you → ’ → P45
We’re now in a surreal position where the SNP is being urged to lay off people who may not actually be doing anything anyway.
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who → ’re → anything
The Scottish Tories have calculated that almost 600 junior doctors could be hired using the cash currently being paid to ghost workers.
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doctors → calculate → workers
And there’s no sign that this insanity will end anytime soon.
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insanity → ’ → ?
John Swinney says radical plans to cut the number of territorial health boards from 14 to just two won’t result in compulsory redundancies in the health service.
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plans → say → service
He might want to have a word with Ivan McKee, the minister in charge of public sector reform, who has signalled a potential rollback of the policy.
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who → want → policy
Could it be that they have no idea of what they’re doing – and they’re making it all up on the hoof?
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they → have → hoof
Judging by its past record, the SNP will be in no hurry to ditch the ban on compulsory redundancies, whatever Mr McKee says.
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McKee → judge → whatever
The message for everyone else looking on at this extraordinary situation couldn’t be clearer – they’re making fools of us all.
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they → look → us
While you’re working extra hours to pay soaring bills and keep a roof over your head, your next-door neighbour might very well be one of these phantom workers, putting their feet up and getting a healthy wage for their lack of exertion (and an eye-watering pension).
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neighbour → work → exertion
Your taxes were supposed to be ploughed into frontline care to tackle the NHS crisis but instead some of them have been siphoned off into the bank accounts of people with no identifiable job.
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some → suppose → job
It’s morally grotesque and indefensible, but what are the odds that Mr Swinney will spin this row as another Right-wing smear?
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Swinney → ’ → smear
That would be entirely consistent with his party’s contempt for hard-working Scots and its spectacular incompetence in the management of public finances.
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That → work → finances
It may stretch credulity to breaking point but sadly this is one ghostly yarn which is all too real.
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which → stretch → point
And the chances are you’ll have to keep forking out to keep these zombies in their non-jobs for as long as their political masters in the SNP remain in charge.
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masters → have → charge
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