Young people are being encouraged online to make the devastating decision to cut off their immediate families in a controversial trend dubbed going 'no contact,' experts have warned.
asserted
experts → encourage → contact
Darby Fox, a child and family therapist, told the Daily Mail that mental health professionals have seen more and more millennials and Gen Zers cut off contact with their parents.
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millennials → tell → parents
'I think it comes out of a time where we've had a lot more mental health focus on people saying that they're being gaslit or that someone is crossing their boundary, and so they're putting up a pretty hard boundary,' she said.
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she → think → boundary
Nikki Herdocia-Oria, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Mindful Wellness House, told the Daily Mail that social media has exacerbated the no-contact trend, often flattening how complex the decision should be.
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decision → tell → trend
It's a very significant one, and it shouldn't automatically be viewed as either empowering or cruel, but the important question really is - have we tried everything first before we do no contact?' she explained.
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she → view → contact
'It's really helped people recognize unhealthy family patterns, and the previous generations may have simply tolerated it.
uncertain
generations → help → it
Therapist Nikki Herdocia-Oria told the Daily Mail that going no contact with a parent is an extreme boundary
Kreed Revere, a family estrangement and reconciliation coach, knows all too well what no contact looks like.
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contact → tell → what
She cut her mother off three times, then found herself on the other end when her adult children stopped contacting her a decade ago.
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children → cut → her
'With my kids, when they estranged, it was very abrupt and they had said nothing to me.
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they → estrange → me
I had been trying to call them and they didn't answer.
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they → try → them
I'd leave a voicemail, no response.
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I → leave → response
Send a couple of texts, no response,' she recalled.
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she → send → texts
Revere's two adult daughters blocked her on social media in January 2016.
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daughters → block → January
She confessed she had not been close to them at the time and was working through a lot of her own anger.
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she → confess → anger
And I mean that on some very deep levels,' she said.
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she → mean → levels
'Especially for mothers, and that's who I mainly work with in my coaching practice - it's a complete loss of identity.
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it → work → identity
They lose all sense of who they are.
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they → lose → sense
Revere had stopped contacting her mother for two periods in her 20s, and then again for six years after she had her daughters.
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she → stop → daughters
Estrangement and reconciliation coach Kreed Revere told the Daily Mail that she experienced no contact with both her adult daughters and her mother
Revere recalled that her children estranging from her was 'devastating'
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estranging → tell → her
Therapist Darby Fox told the Daily Mail that mental health professionals have seen more and more millennials and Gen Zers opt to go no contact with their parents
'
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millennials → tell → parents
I do not regret the estrangement from my mom, but I do regret the pain that my mom experienced during the estrangement, because I know what that feels like,' she said.
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she → regret → what
Revere shared that in her coaching practice with estranged parents, most do not reconcile.
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most → share → parents
Herdocia-Oria noted families are often unprepared for the emotional toll of no contact.
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families → note → contact
'There is gonna be relief, but also grief,' she said.
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she → be → ?
Elise Maisonneuve, 43, has come to know that grief.
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Maisonneuve → come → grief
Her mother struggled with addiction issues and decided to cut her off after a lifetime of pain.
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mother → struggle → pain
Maisonneuve told the Daily Mail that she went no contact with her mother three years ago, a year after her father died.
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father → tell → mother
When she realized her mother had lied about being sober, she made the decision to create some distance.
'
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she → realize → distance
Our society also doesn’t make room for ambiguous loss, the grief of losing someone who is still very much alive, which made it infinitely harder,' Maisonneuve recalled.
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Maisonneuve → make → someone
Krystle, 40, who asked that her last name not be used for privacy reasons, shared a similar story.
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name → ask → story
She recalled coming home after studying abroad as a young adult and finding her mother 'extremely impaired,' launching what she described as 'the beginning of a really difficult chapter.'
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she → recall → chapter
Krystle, 40, told the Daily Mail that she cut off her mother after over two decades of turmoil
Elise Maisonneuve said she has not had contact with her mother over the last two years
After over 20 years of inconsistent communication, Krystle blocked her mother and stepfather.
The decision came this summer when she asked her mother for some of her belongings and was met with a text that said: 'You will get what you get when I'm dead.'
Krystle said: 'I realized that maybe all these years I'd been searching for that relationship and hoping that she'd get help or hoping she'd get counseling, and I'm old enough now to realize a leopard doesn't change their spots.'
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leopard → tell → spots
Maisonneuve shared that she spent her childhood worrying about her mother and 'parenting' her own parent, until two years ago when she communicated that she needed space and would not be reaching out.
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she → share → space
She heard from her mother once since then.
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She → hear → mother
'Her response confirmed what my gut had been telling me for a long time but what my heart didn’t want to believe,' Maisonneuve recalled.
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Maisonneuve → confirm → what
Since cutting her mother off, Maisonneuve said her chronic health issues caused by stress have eased.
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issues → cut → stress
@itselisedanielle it took every ounce of strength I’ve ever possessed to cease contact with my mom.
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I → take → mom
Here’s what 2.5 years of drawing this boundary has taught me.
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years → ’ → me
1) having a narcissistic mum is WILD, I had no idea how much of my anxiety, lack of self love and my capacity to trust myself and my intuition came BACK online the more space I created between us 2) the term “Family” doesn’t give you a right to treat me like shit.
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Family → have → shit
The way I tolerated behaviour I wouldn’t EVER from a stranger is still shocking to me 3) the grief is real - grief of the mother you deserved and didn’t get, grief of the loss of someone that isn’t dead - it takes time but the more I sat with it the less of a hold it had on me 4) the ripple effect on other family members and relationships was unexpected but potent.
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effect → tolerate → members
…and 13 more, not listed.
The Aporia
