By SOPHIE HUNT
Updated:
Just before bed one night, when I was eight, my mum told me she had a new boyfriend.
asserted
she → update → boyfriend
She seemed lighter than usual, excited even.
asserted
She → seem → ?
But then she told me that Graham was married.
asserted
Graham → tell → me
‘That means our relationship has to be kept secret,’ she said solemnly.
asserted
she → mean → ?
‘Promise not to tell anyone?’
I nodded, a slightly nervous feeling in my stomach.
asserted
I → promise → stomach
I had always been told not to lie, so this went against everything I had been taught.
asserted
I → tell → everything
But I adored my mum and wanted to do what she asked.
asserted
she → adore → what
I couldn’t have known how significant that moment would turn out to be for me, drawn into a world of deceit before I was old enough to comprehend it.
asserted
I → know → it
Understandably, there is rarely sympathy for the mistress in a story of infidelity, but I believe there should be more recognition for how children of the ‘other woman’ are impacted.
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children → be → woman
Certainly, it shaped me in fundamental ways, from how I saw men and relationships to bottling up my feelings to an unhealthy extent, and struggling with trust in my own marriage years later.
asserted
I → shape → marriage
Mum was in her late 20s when she met Graham on a night out, three years after she split from my dad.
asserted
she → meet → dad
Sophie was a child of the 'other woman', and she says it has affected her own relationships including her marriage
'
asserted
it → say → marriage
I adored my mum and wanted to do what she asked,' writes Sophie Hunt
She had tried hard to make her marriage work but Dad was an alcoholic who could become violent when drunk.
uncertain
who → adore → what
While I rarely saw him, I still loved him and cherished a silver cross he had bought me, which I kept in a blue velvet pouch.
asserted
I → see → pouch
Mum, meanwhile, worked hard so we didn’t go without, and she owned our house and the shop she worked in.
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she → work → house
Soon after she told me about Graham, he came round one day.
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he → tell → Graham
I didn’t know what to expect but I was surprised by how smart he was, a well-off businessman dressed in a tweed blazer, shiny shoes and an expensive-looking watch.
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he → know → blazer
I could see he was handsome but – a decade older than Mum – I thought he seemed a little dull for my fun, vivacious mother.
uncertain
he → see → mother
He always paid for holidays and showered Mum with jewellery.
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He → pay → jewellery
He told me he didn’t have any children of his own but was very patient with me and would help with any tricky homework.
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he → tell → homework
Graham would come over a few nights a week.
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Graham → come → ?
Mum was so happy when he was around and I began looking forward to his visits, too.
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I → begin → visits
He couldn’t take the place of my dad, but it was nice to have a father figure again.
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it → take → figure
I would get board games ready for us to play and draw pictures for him, even though he could never take them home.
Sophie's mum split from Sophie's dad, pictured, three years before meeting Graham
Sophie enjoyed having a father figure again and would draw pictures for Graham
A few months later, Mum and I spotted Graham and his wife in a supermarket.
uncertain
Mum → get → supermarket
Mum seemed shocked but I did as I was told, careful not to make eye contact with either of them.
asserted
I → seem → them
From a quick glance, I saw that his wife was beautiful.
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wife → see → glance
To make sure we didn’t bump into them, it was almost as if we were playing a game of hide-and-seek around the aisles.
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we → make → aisles
It was exciting, but also felt wrong.
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It → feel → ?
We went to the Algarve and travelled around Britain in his sports car.
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We → go → car
When Graham took us skiing in the French Alps, I was bursting to tell my friends how much fun I’d had, but I had to keep it to myself.
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I → take → myself
It wasn’t the kind of holiday Mum could afford, so I told people we had been to Spain instead.
uncertain
we → afford → Spain
Mum loved the sun, so it sounded much more believable.
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it → love → sun
Looking back, I realise what a burden it was for a young child to carry these adult secrets.
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child → look → secrets
Unable to talk to anyone about what was happening, I began to internalise the idea that uncomfortable feelings were best kept to myself.
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feelings → talk → myself
Clearly, Mum hoped that she and Graham would become an official couple.
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she → hop → ?
But three years into their affair, he told her he couldn’t leave his wife.
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he → tell → wife
From my bedroom, I heard him say his wife had taken the news of him wanting to leave very badly, and he was worried about her mental health.
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he → hear → health
I heard her in hysterics and watched as she ran out into the street after him, howling.
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she → hear → him
Although I didn’t fully understand what was happening, I began to cry too.
asserted
I → understand → ?
Mums were supposed to be strong and it was horrible seeing her like this.
asserted
it → suppose → this
…and 105 more, not listed.
The Aporia
